Sunday Secrets

The first little secret that I'd like to share is this: If you label your child as a bully, he/she will likely live up to your expectations.

I cannot tell you how many times I've heard a mommy say, "Oh...he's just a bully," or "She's just SO naughty," as she rolls her eyes or even LAUGHS at her child's rude behavior. I feel so sad for these children. They've been labeled as rough bullies from before the time they even began walking. And as they continue into toddlerhood, the behavior of these children escalates as they begin acting out the very words that have been spoken over them. Mommies...please know that our words have power! God spoke the very universe into existence, and He created us in His image. Let's be careful what comes out of our mouths as we speak about our children.

While I've never called either of my kiddos a "bully," I HAVE spoken negative things over them. I've said things like, "UGH! He just doesn't care!" or "Is he always going to be like this?" Oh...and get this. Isaac used to not care when another child would take something out of his hands. He'd look at them, shrug it off, and then go find something else to play with. I was actually WORRIED about this, and told others that I had HOPED that he'd learn to be more assertive as he got older. While assertiveness and confidence are good things, what I didn't realize is that the very behavior that I was hoping to see in him was actually a form of selfishness! But I said what I did...several times. And guess who has changed into the selfish little toddler that I had "hoped" for! He now gladly snatches toys back from others and will scream as he yells, "MINE!" at the threat of something being taken from him.

Now I do acknowledge that this is completely and totally normal toddler behavior. By nature, most kiddos this age ARE selfish. Their little worlds revolve around them. But my point in sharing this is that his nature actually started out QUITE the opposite. But because of what I SPOKE over him, he changed into what I expected him to be like.

So back to the main point: bullies. I do acknowledge that some kiddos are naturally more rough and aggressive from an early age. Who knows why this is...could simply be just how they are wired. But I want to encourage you, mommies (and daddies)...PLEASE do not label them as bullies. They are not bullies. In fact, they are sinful little rugrats testing out their actions in this big world. I'm sure their behavior is driving you CRAZY and there are days when you feel like tying them up in the front yard with a FOR SALE sign! Hehe. :) But my guess is that you don't really want to raise a bully. You don't want to be that parent getting phone calls from the principal saying that your precious child beat somebody up at school. You don't want to be the mom of the kid who drops out of school because he is so socially awkward because he spent half of his childhood intimidating and hurting his peers. You don't want to be the parent of the child who can't hold down a job and is still living at home when she's 30 because she doesn't respect authority.

So start now...by simply speaking different words over them. Whatever they do, do NOT label them as a bully. Because by doing so, you are only setting them (and yourself) up for a lifetime of heartache and struggle. Do not excuse their behavior, but correct it. Reach out for help from friends and family. And I encourage you to seek help from the best Father of all...the one who created you and your child. :)