Sunday Secrets

The Secret: Our hands are meant for love...not harm.

I will never forget sitting in a counseling session, talking about our frustrations with disciplining our son. The counselor asked about our methods. And feeling quite confident that we were doing it the "right" way (for us, anyway), we shared how we were spanking our children...in love, of course...with proper reconciliation afterward. Then came the question: "What are you using to spank him?" Followed by a more tentative reply: "Our hands?" I was suddenly unsure about everything.

He held out his hands, opened with palms facing us, and gently (almost in a whisper) said, "These are instruments of love...never to be used as a source of pain toward your children. Always for love." I sat, frozen, unable to speak. He went on to share, "You never want your child to question what your hands are going to do to them. You want them to always associate the touch of your hands with a gentleness that a loving parent gives. Always."

And then came the "buts" within my mind. You know the ones..."But I thought...but that's not what I heard from...but...but...but." And my eyes probably asked a question or two, as the counselor accurately anticipated some of my thoughts. "Yes, we are called to correct our children...but with the rod." Through the conversation that followed, I learned that it's important to use an object other than our hands when administering correction to our children. Why? Because then the pain is associated with the "rod" (we use a small leather strap designed for that purpose), rather than our hands. And it also gives us time to calm down as we walk away to get the rod...rather than reacting in brash anger.

It makes complete sense to me. And the picture I have of open hands, gently saying, "Only for love, never for pain," will stick with me forever. And yet I still don't always do it correctly. I'm human and learning. But I felt like it was lesson worth sharing. :)