The Parenting Journey

Parenting: the single-most challenging, confusing, exhausting, and yet overwhelmingly joyful endeavor I've experienced. Before entering into the world of motherhood, I was pretty sure I had all the answers. I was confident, but not without reason. Prior to having my own children, I had spent the better part of my life "raising" other people's kids. Ha! I was a nanny, a babysitter, and the oldest of four (or six if you count half-siblings whom I didn't live with) children. I have volunteered countless hours in children's ministry, worked at daycares, and served as a camp counselor at summer camps. Oh...and I also have a degree in education and have had many experiences in the elementary school setting. All that to say - I went into this thing with LOADS of experience.

Fast-forward a couple of years, and here I am with two kiddos, a boy and a girl. My son is a little over two-and-a-half, and is...well...definitely a two-year-old. And my daughter is almost one and a half. To say that I spend most of my days completely and utterly exhausted would be an understatement. I am spent. And there are days when I feel as if I am teetering on the edge of insanity. How can these precious, adorable little toddlers wreak so much havoc in my heart? Whose kids are these? And when can I give them back to their imperfect parents who simply must not have a clue what they are doing?!? HA!

Reality sinks in as I survey my home - toys scattered about, dirty diapers filling the garbage can, no-leak sippy cups on the floor, leaving tiny puddles of milk that I'll need to clean up soon. These kids are mine. This mess is mine. And while I love them with every inch of my being, there are some days when I just feel like turning in my time sheet and being done. But we know as parents that it just doesn't work that way.

I am living my dream of being able to raise our children. Yet so many days I daydream of sending them off to someone else! And then the guilt pours in. I should be grateful. I should be enjoying them. And I do...some of the time. But if I'm being completely honest, most of my time is filled with the not-so-fun parts of the job - the constant (and I'm not being dramatic) correction that takes place day to day, the discipline, the teaching and training, and keeping up with their continual stream of destruction. Not to mention the mess of snotty noses and diapers filled with diarrhea, with my hands being so raw from washing them after every nose or butt cleaning!

I have to remind myself daily that this is just a phase...that they WILL grow up. They won't be toddlers forever. And that I wouldn't give this job up for the world! I never realized how incredibly difficult and emotionally challenging this would be. I never imagined seriously considering going back to work full-time to get away from my children...and then the tremendously amount of guilt I feel every time I think of such things! But I also would have never imagined how much joy and laughter these two kiddos would bring me every day. I never knew how effortless it would be to love these children...how no matter what they may do...I will never love them any less. I never imagined how my heart would melt when I hear, "I love you SO much mommy!" as my 2-year-old wraps his little arms around my body. I have to remind myself of these little moments all the time. Because it's those precious moments that make everything else SO worth it!! :)