Sunday Secrets

The secret: Toddlers LOVE (and need) to have choices.

If there's one thing that has definitely worked for us as parents, it has been giving our toddlers choices. I can usually ward off a tantrum every time by simply offering them a choice. For example, I will say, "Okay, it's time to go upstairs to take our naps!" This declaration that their fun playtime is over is met with the typical resistance. "But I don't WANT to take a nap!!!" I wait a few seconds before responding...then ask, "Would you like to walk up by yourself or have mommy carry you?" And there you have it. He has the power to choose his way of getting there.

Another example: We are running late and I still need to get their shoes on and get them in the van. I might say, "Alright, it's time to go...but we still need to get your shoes on! Would you like for me to put them on right now or when we get in the car?" They've got the power! (Sung just like the 1990 SNAP song!) :) And when they feel good about having a say in the matter, then they will usually respond well to the situation.

There have been times when I've been exhausted and Isaac will be whining because he doesn't want to do something. I'll find myself getting ready to say, "Well you don't have a choice!" Just before I let those deadly words fly out of my mouth, I try to change what I actually say to include a choice. You may be thinking, "But wait...there are times when they really don't have a choice...and they just need to do what I tell them." And if you are thinking that...I'd say you are right to a certain degree! However, they DO have a choice. They can choose to be obedient and do what you've told them to do, or they can choose to throw a complete tantrum and not do what you've told them (which would hopefully be met with a consequence).

God gave us choices. Even as adults, we have lots of choices. We choose to go to work...or not. We choose what and when we eat. Think about it...almost everything we've done is pretty much by choice. And our children are no different. They are little people and want and need to experience the freedom of making choices for themselves. As I keep this in mind, I try to give them as many choices as possible.

Now sometimes even given choices, Isaac will come back with, "But I don't want either of those things." To which I'll usually respond with something along the lines of, "Well sometimes we have to make difficult choices, buddy. Sometimes we have to do things even if we don't want to." And then depending on how well he's listening, I may add a spiritual lesson along with it, adding: "And when we make good choices, especially when it's hard, that pleases God. What choice do you think would please God right now?" Sometimes he totally goes along with this and continues on in the conversation, and other times he decides to pout and be grumpy about the situation.

But no matter the circumstance, if you want to watch your toddler light up and cooperate with you, just give him/her a choice. Just make sure that both choices end up with them doing exactly what you had hoped for. :) Get creative with the choices too...it can get pretty fun! "Do you want mommy to fly you like an airplane up to bed, or would you like me to help you hop like a kangaroo?"  Have fun with it! :)