The secret: Our children need us to listen to them.
I have learned this lesson in kind of a sad, round-about way. This weekend, we experienced a first for our family: BOTH of our kiddos spent the night away from us...at their Nana and Papa's house. It was SO nice to not worry about getting up with a crying toddler or to be woken up in the wee hours of the morning because they are ready to get up! :) It was a beautiful, beautiful thing.
After waking up the next morning, I made the anxious phone call to my mom to find out how the night went. For the first time away from us, it wasn't TOO bad! They both did pretty well. But the first thing my mom said was, "Man does that boy love to TALK!?!" Isaac was sharing a room with his Nana, and was pretty excited to sleep in his very own big boy bed there. But once Nana joined him in the room, his little mouth did not stop talking until well after an hour and a half!
So what, exactly, does a three-year-old talk about for so long? Well...first of all, he recounted his ENTIRE week with her. He shared all of his fears and things that were bothering him. He talked about getting lost at the museum and how it was dangerous because he is "kind and cute." :) He talked about playing with his friends...and how one of them told him not to tell his mommy something bad that they did to him...and how he didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset his friend. He shared about an experience being bullied by older boys...and how those boys lied to their mommy about what happened. He was replaying a few scary scenes in a show that he had seen...and how he was concerned about what had happened. He expressed feeling scared about the "big eyes" that were looking back at him on his new Toy Story pillow case! :) He talked, and talked, and talked....and TALKED.
And upon hearing about all of the things that were weighing on my son's little heart, my eyes welled up with tears. Why hasn't he told ME these things? Why didn't I know how much he had going on within? And as I was sharing an uninterrupted breakfast with my husband, it hit us. He doesn't spend time talking to us like that, because we don't let him. This kid struggles to go to sleep EVERY night of his life. We give him consequences for getting out of his bed every night (which he does multiple times). We sigh in exasperation as his nighttime struggles frustrate us. But what if all this time, all he needed to do was...TALK? Just typing this, the lump returns to my throat and I feel like crying.
Our son just wants us to listen to what he has to say. His poor little mind and heart are so filled with things that have happened throughout his week. And he just needs to process them all. But we haven't let him. In the name of discipline and having time to ourselves, we have neglected to listen...really listen...to what's going on in Isaac's heart. No wonder this poor kid takes so long to wind down every night. He's got a lot on his mind! Maybe if we'd just spend 45 minutes or so letting him process it all, then he'd fall asleep with much more peace in his little heart.
We will be making this change immediately. And we'll take turns with him...starting the bedtime routine much earlier. We'll just lay there with him in the dark...letting him talk our ears off. We'll help him process through his day and pray with him about what is weighing on his heart. We'll let him share his fears and worries with us and encourage him to share those things with God too. We are going to start actually listening to this precious child.
Thank You, Lord, for teaching us this lesson! We praise You for creating Isaac with such a beautiful heart and mind. Thank You that he is a little thinker...and is even able to process through the things that happen to him throughout his week. I pray that You would bless our new times together and that Isaac would be comforted through these changes. I pray that Your peace would reign in his heart. We love this precious son beyond measure...and I know that You love him even more than that! Wow! How great must Your love be for us! Thank You, Father, for listening to YOUR children! I love You, Lord! Thank You for loving me! :) Amen.
Also having a talkative child who has a hard time winding down at night, this post really hit me. I'll be listening a little more carefully from now on as well.
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself, Leslie. No doubt Isaac was talking it up so he wouldn't have to go to sleep. He was telling me most of these things because I wasn't "there" when they happened. And I ask (um, you know how many questions this nana asks). Sure, there are probably times he will need to get things off his chest, but you also need to teach him how to process his thoughts on his own. Allow him time to "think" about his day even before going upstairs to bed. Maybe you could start a routine with both kids at night - "what did we do/learn today" or "what were we not happy about or what were we afraid of today." You get the idea. You might be surprised at what you hear, but be careful not to overreact.
ReplyDeleteNever be upset that he tells other people things he doesn't tell you. Be glad that he feels comfortable doing so and that you have people who will share that information with you. You more than anyone know that you don't always tell your mom everything. :)
You're doing a great job - just look how your kids are thriving and growing and learning and interacting. Much better than I could have ever hoped to do with mine.
Love you.
sweet, i know i'm not a mom yet but i have enjoyed reading the lessons that you post - hopefully learning somethings that will help me down the road. that's AWESOME that you guys realized this now instead of a few years from now. also it'll be interesting to know if his night time talking reduces as he'll have each day to get things out :)
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