I have so many photos depicting my two kiddos as best friends. And truly, they are...at least half of the time. And the other half? Well...I guess I could say they are biting each others' heads off! And they are only two and three-years-old! There is nothing that drives this mommy crazy more than the seemingly constant bickering between the two of them. It SO grates on my nerves.
I start by responding in love. "Please remember that we are wearing our kindness today." or "Isaac...that sounded quite rude. How could you have said something more kind to her?" or "Naomi, we don't scream...please use your words." And then as they completely disregard my gentle, loving guidance, my responses grow a little more agitated. "Okay...are you finished with your lunch? Because if you continue being rude, you're going to need to get up from the table." or "Naomi, if you scream again, mommy is going to have to give you a consequence. You are hurting my ears." And if it continues, then I've been known to boil over. "That's IT! Get up! Both of you! You can spend some time alone in your room! If you can't be kind, I don't want to be around you...nobody does! So you can spend some time alone until you are ready to be kind." or "AAAHHHH! JUST STOP IT ALREADY! No more talking! If you talk...even a peep, you will get a consequence!"
As you can imagine, they don't respond well to this kind of boiling over either. Sometimes, it even elicits a mocking laugh from my son (which makes me even more angry). Giving them some time alone does help...but not all of the time. Giving consequences, whether time-outs, spankings, or vinegar in the mouth...none of them really seem to have an impact on this incredibly annoying behavior. They seem to DELIGHT in aggravating one another (and me)...like it's their job or something. Is it too much to ask for one...just one meal to go smoothly without fighting? Or even a whole day? The bickering and banter can be SO petty sometimes.
Here's an example. They sit down to eat breakfast. Isaac will start in with one word: "Yes." To which his sister predictably replies, "No!" And then they go back and forth until they are crying and screaming at each other. Literally...over NOTHING. Just for the sake of arguing. It really is quite ridiculous. Other times, it looks like Isaac starting in with, "Don't LOOK at me!" which escalates to tears from him because Naomi is allegedly looking at him. I know that I did this stupid stuff as a kid too. And maybe this is just payback from then! :)
But c'mon...does it really have to be this way? I know it's normal...they are toddlers...and close in age at that! But how do YOU deal with it? How can I be better about dealing with it in a way that honors God? Am I missing something? One of my most recent tactics is to quietly walk away from them both while they are feuding...and just let them work on it by themselves. I will retreat upstairs (perhaps even to write an article about them WHILE they are fighting). ;) But the most amazing thing happens...they usually work it out. On their own. So maybe less of my intervention is better?
<sigh> I really don't know. I will continue praying and seeking God on this one as well. Oh how I wish this whole parenting thing came with a manual full of formulas to follow...with a money-back guarantee! Ha! :) But it doesn't and we are left to keep on keeping on. But at least we're not in this alone, right? Surely others have kiddos who get on each others' nerves from time to time, right? Or are my children the worst kids on planet Earth? ;) And at least we have a Father in Heaven who is also very accustomed to watching HIS children bicker about ridiculous things here. Maybe He can shed some light on the matter? I wonder how many times He feels like yelling down to His people, "JUST STOP IT ALREADY!" Hehe. Thank God for His GRACE! We all need a little (or a lot), don't we? :)
I am AMAZED by how often my kids sound like they're going to kill each other (especially the boys), and how it can start over the most trivial thing. I, too, struggle with knowing how much to intervene. Aside from reminding them to show love, share (this is a big cause of the shouting around here), and speak kindly to each other, I'm often inclined to take away whatever is causing the shouting match and/or separate them. While this generally stops the fighting, I'm not sure it's the best answer in the long run. At some point, they WILL need to learn how to share and resolve conflict on their own, and taking them away from opportunities to do that isn't really solving anything! All that said, I don't really have an answer for you :) But you are definitely not alone in your struggle.
ReplyDeleteMy boys, 1 and 3, fight too. I was surprised and impressed the first time my 1 y.o fought back when Liam tried to yank a toy out of his hands. And I knew in that moment that that is a trait I don't want to squash by constantly swooping in and resolving things for them. But at the same time I don't want to encourage aggression. So as long as things aren't getting out of hand; they aren't being too physical and they aren't yelling at each other then I let them try to settle it themselves. Sometimes one of them realizes it's not that important to fight over and moves onto something else, and sometimes things intensify and I need to guide them to a resolution. So for Liam I get him thinking about things, by saying how can we fix this so everyone is happy. But Cullen things are more simple and I just say, share. If there is hitting involved I have them give nice touches and then they are reminded that we don't hit people. I try to let them resolve their own issues as much as possible. If I don't see what happened they get separated, or redirected. If they are squabbling over a toy and I didn't see who had it first it gets taken away from both. Things are always evolving with kids, so I just roll with the changes and guide them with logic and love.
ReplyDeleteGood to know we're not alone...that this is quite universal! Hehe. And thanks for sharing what you ladies are doing! It's always great to hear ideas from other mommies who are in the trenches too!! :) I like the idea of asking, "How can we fix this so everyone is happy." I just might have to try that the next time a battle breaks out! :)
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