Post Mother's Day Woes...

Me and my little lovies on Mother's Day

I was on the phone with a friend of mine a few years ago. She was laying on the floor, exhausted and fed-up. Her kids were locked in their rooms and she just didn't know what to do with them. So she was laying in the hallway as they pounded on their locked doors, yelling horrible things at her, as she just laid there on the verge of an emotional break down. "I just don't know what to do with them. They're awful."

At the time, I didn't know how to encourage this young mother of three. I had never experienced what she was going through. And I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that I judged her. I don't remember what my exact thoughts were, but I'm sure they were something along the lines of, "Gosh...I can't imagine this parenting thing being so hard. I hope I'm never that helpless." Boy am I eating my words now!!

Because now, a couple years down the road, I am living in a season of life that sometimes has me on the floor...crying. My house is a mess. My kids are at times defiant, rude, and just plain hateful to one another. I sometimes resort to locking them in their rooms after we've exhausted all other options. The tears roll down my face as I listen to them screaming insults at me...kicking their doors so hard they sound like they're about to come down. I listen to my son yell, "I don't even love you...not even a little bit!" and "I wish you weren't even my mommy anymore!"

I pray for grace. I bite back the tears. I cry out to the Lord for His love to cover them...to cover me. I CANNOT DO THIS! Why does this have to be so hard? Why can't they just get along? Why can't they just be loving, obedient children? The more I do for them...the more I shower them with love...the more greedy and hateful they become. I just don't get it! I go out of my way to provide them with enriching activities, and then have them whine that they don't like what we're doing. I work tirelessly to make them dinner, only to have them complain that it's disgusting. I give them occasional treats, only to have them complain that so-and-so has more...and that it's just not fair. Nothing I do is good enough.

There are so many days that I feel like screaming, "You wanna know what's not fair? It's not fair that I have given up my life to stay at home and raise you ungrateful children. It's not fair that I never get any time to myself because I am so busy meeting your needs. It's not fair that I don't get to do whatever I want, whenever I want. It's not fair that no matter what I do, I just can't get rid of this flabby baby belly! Life just isn't FAIR!"

And when I begin to spiral out of control in my thoughts (and they do only remain in my thoughts, btw)...I get stopped in my tracks. I hear God whispering into my heart. "You wanna know what's not fair? It's not fair that my one and only Son gave up his life so that YOU could live. It's not fair that HE had to pay the penalty for your sin. But it's okay. Because I love you THAT much...and have never looked back."

Gulp. And with that, more tears flood my eyes. Gosh this is a tough season I'm in. And I am praising Him that His power is made perfect in weakness! GOD...I am SO weak! I am stumbling through this whole parenting thing. I am exhausted...always. But He is right here with me. And I could not get through this without His love and tender guidance. Lord, help this mama! I'm sinking!