Comparison

Comparison - it's all around us as parents, isn't it? And it starts early - the very day those sweet babies are born - everyone wants to know how big they are. :) And we make comparing statements - "Oh wow...what a BIG baby!" or "Awe...just a little peanut she is." And it doesn't stop with their size. Then we move into milestones - "When did they start sleeping through the night? Are they rolling over yet? Sitting? Crawling? Walking?" And it goes on and on and on. Now, we're at stages of, "Is she potty trained yet?" or "Is he still sucking his fingers?" or "Is she sleeping in a big girl bed now?" or "Is he riding his bike without training wheels?"

And while I'm only three and half years into this whole parenting journey, my guess is that this constant bit of comparison is never going to end. And I'm actually okay with it. Why? Because let's face it - comparison is a very fact of life...it's ingrained into how we operate as human beings. It's what we do with comparison that makes it wrong. If we lean toward judging others because their child isn't doing what our child can do, then we are walking along a slippery slope of pride. And likewise, if we grow discouraged because our child isn't doing what others seem to be doing, then we can allow discontentment to steal our joy.

So how do we compare without falling into areas of pride or discontentment? Because I don't care who you are...if you are a living, breathing human being, you WILL compare. And it's okay. I'm still working on teetering between pride and discontentment. So I am definitely not writing this article from a place of "I've got this all figured out so let me show you how it's done." But I have been doing some things lately that have been helping me personally, so I thought I'd share! :)

First, I am continually reminding myself that every child is different. They all develop at different rates and are naturally gifted in different areas...and that is a GOOD thing! :) While it's fine to acknowledge the child who is excelling at something particularly well, it's NOT okay for me to even wonder why his sibling isn't doing the same thing at the same time. They are different...that's why. God made them different and they are on their OWN time line for learning how to do things. :) The other thing that I keep telling myself is this: They WILL eventually be able to do this. And it doesn't matter what it is. My daughter will not be in diapers when she's 16, and my son will not still be struggling to write his letters when he's 20...unless, of course, he's been cursed with poor penmanship. Hehe. But you get my point. These kids WILL grow up. They WILL learn to do everything they need to do before they leave the "nest." So it does not help one iota for me to fret over what they are or are not doing...yet.

With all of that said, I do recognize that sometimes this whole comparing thing can actually be beneficial. Especially for those who have children with special needs. Without comparison, they'd have no benchmark for where their child should or could be. So if I have a child who isn't walking by 24-28 months, well, obviously there is something to look into. Or if my child doesn't utter a single word and he or she is 3-years-old. You get the idea. Sometimes, it's good to have an idea of what other children are doing at certain ages to make sure that there aren't deeper issues going on. But for the majority of us, our children fall somewhere right in the middle of where they should be. :)

Some kids are walking by 9 months, others are content to wait until they are closer to 18 months. Some children potty train themselves by 18 months, when others (much to their parent's frustration) show no interest until they are well over 3-years-old. One child may excel at memorization and know his entire alphabet by 2 and even begin reading when he's three, while another couldn't care less about letters, but can draw a stunning self-portrait that most adults couldn't even draw! :) And yet it's so tempting as a mother to say, "But so-and-so is doing this or so-and-so is doing that." When we really should begin looking deeply into the hearts and minds of our own child and seeing them how God sees them. Each one of them are filled with special gifts, talents, and interests. We should work to recognize what those are and encourage them to use whatever they have to do the best they can.

So let us not grow discouraged because our child isn't doing what we think they *should* be, just because everyone else's child seems to be doing this at their age. And let us be careful to not grow prideful when our child seems to be doing something far beyond what most of their peers are doing. Rather, in this season filled with LOTS of growing and learning, let's enjoy our children for WHO they are...not WHAT they can do! Because honestly, most (if not all) of these children will be potty trained, sleeping in their own beds, tying their own shoes, riding bikes without training wheels, and reading books to their parents before we know it! They grow up SO fast...so let's take a few minutes and ENJOY it! :)