To nap or not to nap...that is the question. :) And that is the question we are dealing with on a pretty regular basis these days. My kiddos are 3 1/2 and almost 2 1/2. And they still nap on a pretty regular basis...at the same time every day. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? But here's our problem: when they do nap, they are usually up until well after 9pm...sometimes as late as 11pm for our son. This means zero alone time for mommy and daddy, no intimacy, and no time to get stuff done after the kids go to bed, because we typically go to bed around 10 or 10:30 every night. And given that I am almost eight months pregnant, I am actually ready to go to bed by 8 or 9 every night! :)
If they forgo their naps, having what we call "quiet time" in their rooms for an hour, they are typically in bed and completely out by 7pm. This gives us a very nice, long evening of peace and quiet...and some much needed time together. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Here's the problem with this scenario: on these non-napping days, I have dubbed the hours between 4pm and 7pm...the three hours of HELL. They are exhausted. I am exhausted. They fight and bicker with one another and with me. They are unruly, disobedient, and pretty much falling apart. It's ugly. And it makes dinner time next to impossible. Isaac will complain throughout the afternoon, "I am just TOO TIRED." As if he is begging me to put him to sleep.
So we keep going back and forth. Some days they nap and joyfully stay up late. And other days, they do without and gladly go to bed early (after a VERY long afternoon). Are we being selfish by wanting our evenings back? I wish there was a happy medium. Like they would take a short afternoon nap and then go to bed between 7:30 and 8:00pm. And when I say "go to bed" I mean be asleep by then. :) Because even on napping days, we've tried to put them to bed around 8pm, only to have bedtime wars (continually getting up, talking, etc) until 10pm or later.
The one thing I haven't tried is limiting their nap times. When they nap, I typically let them nap until they are ready to get up. I've always held the philosophy of never waking a sleeping baby. I figure if their body needs the sleep, then it needs the sleep. I try to give them the freedom to enjoy whatever length of nap their body needs. Most days they nap anywhere from 1 to 2 hours. If they are fighting off a virus, they may sleep over 2 hours, but that is rare. Perhaps we'd have better evenings if I limited their naps to exactly 1 hour? But in the few times I HAVE had to wake them up from naps, it's not a pretty sight. They remain in a bad mood for a good part of the rest of the day.
Sigh. So what's a mom to do? I wish there were an exact science to this whole sleep thing. And we could follow a formula and be on our way to peaceful days followed by peaceful nights. :) But I feel like we're in this game of constant trial and error. Anyone else? I'd love to know what others would suggest. Any thoughts? Ideas? For now, we're going to continue giving them the naps they desperately need and just deal with the later evenings. I know this is a season and it won't last forever. I just wish there was a clear-cut answer to the problem. :)
I have a bunch of thoughts on this topic! :)
ReplyDeleteFor us, there is no guilt over claiming evenings as grown-up time, because mummy and daddy MUST have time together without the little ones, in our house. It's our time for building our relationship, which is a higher priority than the children, because the Bible puts it first, and it directly benefits the children anyway. So, that is the reason. The method is basically as you were saying - when a napping child starts to be difficult about going to sleep at bedtime (and "bedtime" is loose here, depending on tiredness of the little ones, but definitely by or before 8pm), it's time to cut the nap.
Our first baby was a nightmare sleeper, urgh! He woke a million times at night and took one or two half hour naps from babyhood! So hard. So when 8pm rolled round and he was wide awake, and the time got later and later and later, you know how it goes - we realised it was time for naptime to stop. He was tired and cranky, and once in a while conked out from sheer exhaustion mid-way home in the car from somewhere, or just on the living room floor (in which case I let him nap but didn't protect him from noise and activity around him so he woke up naturally earlier once he got to light sleep), but he got used to it in a few weeks.
With Nathan (same age as Isaac), he stopped his nap last September. He NEEDED his nap, but we had no bedrooms for a few weeks while we changed the house around, and they all slept on the living room floor. He fell asleep over lunch sometimes, or on the sofa, but otherwise did not nap, and barely made it (HUGELY cranky!) to bedtime. He was out like a light by 6pm most nights. I felt SO BAD!!! But at the time we could not arrange a space for a proper nap. I felt so guilty. Finally 3 weeks later the bedrooms could be used again, but funnily enough it was around that time that he seemed to be perking up in the afternoons and not wanting to go for a nap any more. Sometimes he took one (and was up later at bedtime) but for the most part he was done with naps from then.
Benjamin (Naomi's age-ish) recently stopped his nap. They all share a room and he is really distracting for the boys trying to go to sleep at bedtime when he is wired and full of the joys of spring at 8pm because he napped! ;) So we are about a month or two into No Naps For Benjamin. Some days he nods off in the living room late morning (like today), but wakes usually a half hour later. If he's busy enough in the afternoon it does not affect bedtime and he's asleep by 8pm. Days when he does not nap he is out in 5 minutes flat even if we put him to bed as early as 6.30pm - very handy for the rest of the boys to go to sleep, and makes for a nice smooth bedtime allowing us to have a nice long evening together. If he naps an hour or more, we are looking at 8.30 or 9pm for him to get to sleep, with mucho effort on our part.
I did once try cutting their naps shorter (advice from a friend a few babies ago), but it didn't affect it at all. They still seemed too refreshed by the snooze to go to bed at a decent hour in the evenings.
No naps/rest for mama in the day is HARD, especially for the first time since becoming a mama, and especially when pregnant! I feel for you! But quiet time is an excellent idea for some down time for the whole household and (apparently!) as they get older and are in this habit, you can actually take a rest while they're in quiet time!! Wish I'd set this up...
But the evening, routinely quiet and calm, sans kiddies for at least 3 hours until our own bedtime, is SO worth it. Great recharging time, and time that Neil is always around (he's never here at nap time, lol!).
Sorry for such a long comment (hope it lets me post it!)! I hope it helps some.
Oh I forgot to say! In the transition time when a little one stops napping here, we find that they can vaguely make it maybe 2 or 3 days in a row, and then on day 4 they HAVE to crash and have a proper long nap - THEN it doesn't seem to affect bedtime as such. It's like they need that catch up to make things even, like an extra day for a leap year! ;) We went by their cue in that respect, and noticed that gradually over the weeks, they needed to take that emergency catch-up nap less often. Sometimes if they were growing fast or getting sick or something, they might take a few days in a row of naps like the old days, and I would worry that they would stay up late, but no. So there is definitely a "just go with the flow" aspect to it as well.
ReplyDeleteYou really ARE in this game of constant trial and error, and it's not "wrong" - it's just the way it is, and you'll ride it with them just fine. Just go with it, decide whether evenings or naptimes are more important for your sanity/relationships, etc. and take action one way or the other to safeguard one of those. Transition will take a few weeks at least, in my experience with my own kiddos. :)
I agree with Alice. Morgan was a mess from 4-6pm when she stopped napping. But I would put her to bed right after dinner. Even if she screamed for a while, she would simmer down and she would fall asleep that early. It was REALLY hard for a season when she was a mess in the afternons but it was worth it to have my time with Shane. I agree that you need that time with your hubby and you need down time for yourself. It also helped me knowing I had a set time for bed to get through it. It's just a season. All kids go through it when they are dropping naps. It's rough but their body will catch on. I would pick early bedtime and crazy afternoon but it's up to your family.
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