Sunday Secrets

The Secret: Our hands are meant for love...not harm.

I will never forget sitting in a counseling session, talking about our frustrations with disciplining our son. The counselor asked about our methods. And feeling quite confident that we were doing it the "right" way (for us, anyway), we shared how we were spanking our children...in love, of course...with proper reconciliation afterward. Then came the question: "What are you using to spank him?" Followed by a more tentative reply: "Our hands?" I was suddenly unsure about everything.

He held out his hands, opened with palms facing us, and gently (almost in a whisper) said, "These are instruments of love...never to be used as a source of pain toward your children. Always for love." I sat, frozen, unable to speak. He went on to share, "You never want your child to question what your hands are going to do to them. You want them to always associate the touch of your hands with a gentleness that a loving parent gives. Always."

And then came the "buts" within my mind. You know the ones..."But I thought...but that's not what I heard from...but...but...but." And my eyes probably asked a question or two, as the counselor accurately anticipated some of my thoughts. "Yes, we are called to correct our children...but with the rod." Through the conversation that followed, I learned that it's important to use an object other than our hands when administering correction to our children. Why? Because then the pain is associated with the "rod" (we use a small leather strap designed for that purpose), rather than our hands. And it also gives us time to calm down as we walk away to get the rod...rather than reacting in brash anger.

It makes complete sense to me. And the picture I have of open hands, gently saying, "Only for love, never for pain," will stick with me forever. And yet I still don't always do it correctly. I'm human and learning. But I felt like it was lesson worth sharing. :)

Isaac's Stories

So we have started a little book/journal for Isaac. And it's a different kind of book, because the entire thing will be by HIM! On occasion, we will sit down and I'll have him tell me a story. And I will annotate everything he says word-for-word. It has been fascinating watching his little mind create stories and tell them with such excitement. Here are his past few...they have a very common theme: dragons, swords, death, and fighting. :) Have I mentioned that he's a BOY? :)

Once upon a time there was a choo-choo train with a princess and a boy in it. And it was going REALLY fast. Then an alligator got the princess. Then God saved her. He said, "No, alligator, don't get her! She's my child!" The boy said, "Alligator, that's MY sister!" The End -by Isaac Ober

There was a dragon and it killed the boy! But there was wild things. And the wild things tried to eat the dragon. But the dragon went RAAAOOAR! And they got scared. And they flew away to Badgio. The End. -by Isaac Ober

Once there was a dragon and there was a sword. And then there was Isaac and he was a big ole, big ole brother. And he had a sister and her name was Naomi. He had a sword to fight the dragon. So he made the dragon die. Isaac winned. The End. -by Isaac Ober

While they look short typed out on here, they actually fill up an entire fat-lined piece of paper in our primary journal. And there is space at the top for illustration. He isn't interested in drawing himself and has requested that I do most of them. I will not be doing it for much longer, though, as I want him to develop some of his drawing skills. :)

Homeschooling...

I've had this topic of homeschooling on my mind a lot lately. I feel like a horse standing at the gate of a big race, chomping at the bit...just waiting to GO! And then I am reminded that my kiddos are only two and three! And I run into articles such as these:

http://simplehomeschool.net/the-truth-about-preschool/

http://www.redshift.com/~bonajo/early.htm

And then I am reminded again and again that they are just toddlers. Learning happens EVERY day...and everywhere in and out of our home. I've been homeschooling them since they were born! But why is it that I am so eager to begin an official curriculum and start a structured school time with them? Will they benefit from it? Or is it that I am feeling like I need the structure? What will be best for them?

I have been busy preparing our schooling environment. Here's a recent photo of part of our school room:

Doesn't it look fun and inviting? Hehe. It just makes me want to jump in and LEARN (and teach)! :) But as the days are drawing near to the official "start" of our school year, I am beginning to experience some hesitations. Why am I doing this? For whose benefit? Am I pushing them too hard?

Isaac is a natural learner. He's one of those kids who just gets things and I don't understand quite how he does it. He talks like he's a 6 or 7-year-old and can hold deep conversations with adults. He's a thinker. And he does keep BEGGING me to start school. He seems eager to learn. And I'm wondering if starting an official curriculum is going to continue encouraging that love of learning or if it will kill it. What if he resists the work I set before him? What if it becomes "work" and he stops enjoying it so early? What if he's truly not ready?

I think I'm more excited to start than he is. And I just don't want to let my tendencies toward perfectionism rub off onto my kids. I don't want them to get a negative taste for "school" in their mouths at such a young age. Don't get me wrong...I plan to make it SUPER fun. And we're still going to be getting out for playdates, museum visits, and picnics at the park. They're still going to engage with their friends and get to be toddlers. I just think I need to take a step back and remind myself from time to time how old they really are. ;) And realize that this is JUST preschool. It's important...to be sure...but the most important thing is for them to grow and develop. And most of their learning is honestly going to take place outside of our structured "school" time.

As it gets closer, I'll post some examples of our morning routine (if we ever develop one). And let you know what we end up deciding to do with our time. :) I'll also include our goals for this preschool year (for both kiddos). In the meantime, here are some photos of what's in their workboxes at the time:

Naomi

Isaac

Isaac and the No Good Very Bad Day...

Our day begins as my son SLAMS his bedroom door. He's awake (about 1-3 hours earlier than he should be) and mad at the world. I sigh and think to myself, "Here we go again...it's going to be one of 'those' kind of days." He has never gone back to sleep, even though his body is BEYOND exhausted, going on only 7 or 8 hours of sleep...far too little for a 3-year-old boy.

Our entire day is filled with this angry little boy who spews rudeness all over the place. "I don't WANT you!" or "Don't look at ME!" are staple phrases. He makes threats all day long: "I'm gonna throw this at you!" or "I'm gonna hit Naomi." or "I'm gonna spit at you!" His tone is mean, his brows furrowed. I try different things on different days to combat this angry little thing.

Sometimes I'll try humor...whether making jokes or tickling. I can usually get a quick smile out of him and even some forced laughter with the tickles. But I pay for it, because it only ticks him off even more. He comes out of the laughter with even harsher words and brashness.

I have tried ignoring it altogether. And all that does is make it escalate. If I pretend to not hear him, he yells even louder. I have also used a removal tactic. If he can't get himself together, I can't trust him around his sister or me or the dog. So he spends some alone time up in his room. He has plenty of books to read up there and usually throws complete tantrums before finally calming down to read by himself. I usually give him anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes of alone time when things are pretty bad. And tell him that I'll wait until he calms himself down before I let him come out.

I have used vinegar water in his mouth...reminding him the importance of cleaning out his mouth. He hates this method and ends up smelling like vinegar all day long. But it still does not deter him from letting his anger and rage torment our family. We have used other discipline methods, such as redirection, time-outs, spanking, and removing privileges. So far, we haven't found anything that has really worked to curb his negativity.

I spend lots of time praying over this child. I rebuke the spirit of anger that is covering him. I pray for peace and for love to cover his heart...fill him up...and overflow. But the problem is that he is perpetually over-tired....exhausted from not getting enough sleep at night. He is also ALWAYS hungry. Combine the two...and he is a MONSTER of a child. Unless he is being entertained. Then...he seems to forget about his "act" and seems quite enjoyable. He also has good days, when he is well rested and well fed...but those are few and far between right now.

I just don't know how to deal with the constant negativity from him. It really starts to wear on me after a few days of it. I just can't win. And I'm exhausted too! I confess that his negativity wears me down to the point of responding in anger myself. He pushes and pushes until I explode at him. Again, some days are better than others. But I spend most of my days, putting my hands up in the air and asking him, "WHY?" And then asking the Lord..."What is WRONG with my child?" Surely this can't be normal. Do all families deal with this? How are there not lines of people awaiting admittance to the insane asylums? ;) I feel like I'm about to go crazy!

When the day seems to be going especially difficult with many challenges, I will often resort to using the television. He enjoys it, doesn't yell at it, and it keeps him quietly engaged for 30 minutes at a time. But I am begging to know and hoping to find other answers to this challenging behavior. I am currently reading through TWO books on strong-willed children, and am fully expecting to gain some wisdom from these books. But he is more than strong-willed...he is ANGRY, moody, and just down right MEAN. And this mommy knows what it is to be strong-willed. But these constant attacks of anger and aggression are really throwing me for a loop here.

In the meantime, I will continue praying for him and for his little heart. I will continue to rebuke that spirit of anger in the name of Jesus (for all of us). And I will continue praying for wisdom to know what to do next. May I respond always in loving kindness...with a gentle heart toward him...regardless of how he treats me. May I be consistent in whatever I choose to do with him. And may I honor God in this important role that I have! I wish that I felt like I was on top of my game right now...but honestly, I just feel like I'm enduring this difficult season. It can't always be like this...it WILL get better, right? God I hope so!

Sibling Rivalry

I have so many photos depicting my two kiddos as best friends. And truly, they are...at least half of the time. And the other half? Well...I guess I could say they are biting each others' heads off! And they are only two and three-years-old! There is nothing that drives this mommy crazy more than the seemingly constant bickering between the two of them. It SO grates on my nerves.

I start by responding in love. "Please remember that we are wearing our kindness today." or "Isaac...that sounded quite rude. How could you have said something more kind to her?" or "Naomi, we don't scream...please use your words." And then as they completely disregard my gentle, loving guidance, my responses grow a little more agitated. "Okay...are you finished with your lunch? Because if you continue being rude, you're going to need to get up from the table." or "Naomi, if you scream again, mommy is going to have to give you a consequence. You are hurting my ears." And if it continues, then I've been known to boil over. "That's IT! Get up! Both of you! You can spend some time alone in your room! If you can't be kind, I don't want to be around you...nobody does! So you can spend some time alone until you are ready to be kind." or "AAAHHHH! JUST STOP IT ALREADY! No more talking! If you talk...even a peep, you will get a consequence!"

As you can imagine, they don't respond well to this kind of boiling over either. Sometimes, it even elicits a mocking laugh from my son (which makes me even more angry). Giving them some time alone does help...but not all of the time. Giving consequences, whether time-outs, spankings, or vinegar in the mouth...none of them really seem to have an impact on this incredibly annoying behavior. They seem to DELIGHT in aggravating one another (and me)...like it's their job or something. Is it too much to ask for one...just one meal to go smoothly without fighting? Or even a whole day? The bickering and banter can be SO petty sometimes.

Here's an example. They sit down to eat breakfast. Isaac will start in with one word: "Yes." To which his sister predictably replies, "No!" And then they go back and forth until they are crying and screaming at each other. Literally...over NOTHING. Just for the sake of arguing. It really is quite ridiculous. Other times, it looks like Isaac starting in with, "Don't LOOK at me!" which escalates to tears from him because Naomi is allegedly looking at him. I know that I did this stupid stuff as a kid too. And maybe this is just payback from then! :)

But c'mon...does it really have to be this way? I know it's normal...they are toddlers...and close in age at that! But how do YOU deal with it? How can I be better about dealing with it in a way that honors God? Am I missing something? One of my most recent tactics is to quietly walk away from them both while they are feuding...and just let them work on it by themselves. I will retreat upstairs (perhaps even to write an article about them WHILE they are fighting). ;) But the most amazing thing happens...they usually work it out. On their own. So maybe less of my intervention is better?

<sigh> I really don't know. I will continue praying and seeking God on this one as well. Oh how I wish this whole parenting thing came with a manual full of formulas to follow...with a money-back guarantee! Ha! :) But it doesn't and we are left to keep on keeping on. But at least we're not in this alone, right? Surely others have kiddos who get on each others' nerves from time to time, right? Or are my children the worst kids on planet Earth? ;) And at least we have a Father in Heaven who is also very accustomed to watching HIS children bicker about ridiculous things here. Maybe He can shed some light on the matter? I wonder how many times He feels like yelling down to His people, "JUST STOP IT ALREADY!" Hehe. Thank God for His GRACE! We all need a little (or a lot), don't we? :)

Riding in Cars with Toddlers

I don't know about you, but some of my most stressful times with my children take place in our van. Whether the trip is 10 minutes or 2 hours...it doesn't seem to matter. They are contained, constrained, and typically discontent. We have run the gamut of things to try to make them happy, so I thought I'd share some things that have worked for us and am BEGGING you to share some more ideas!!

DVD's - this one is tricky for families like us who do not have built-in DVD players. But we use a portable one for longer car trips.
music - probably 75% of the time, you will find annoying children's music blaring from my good ole mini van! :)
singing songs - I honestly don't know why I don't do this one more often. Perhaps it's because I'm exhausted once I get them all buckled in and when I drive, I like to let my mind wander. But a fun round of "The Wheels on the Bus" or "Old MacDonald's Farm" can go a long way. :)
word games - this is BY FAR Isaac's favorite way to spend the time...some of our favorites include the opposite game ("What's the opposite of..."), guess who ("I'm thinking of someone in our family who's a boy and wears glasses..."), math fun ("What's 1+1?"), I spy ("I spy something green, something green with my little eye"), name that animal sound, the letter game ("What letter says, "buh-buh-buh?"), and the rhyming game ("What are some words that rhyme with...").
toys - we have a little bin of small figurines and random toys that they can play with during the drive
books - we also keep a few books to occupy their time
travel magnadoodle/aqua sketch - these are also usually reserved just for longer car rides
snacks/water - I swore I was never going to be one of those moms who let their kids eat in the car. And then I had kids. HA! Sometimes a little baggie of trail-mix can do wonders. When their mouths are busy eating, they aren't screaming! :)

So those are some of my ideas. And it's truly amazing how often I forget to use them! I need to post a list in my van as a reference guide. I always forget to spend time interacting with them while in the car, but I hope to get better at this to not only reduce our stress, but to cultivate better relationships with them. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that when they decide to start screaming at the top of their lungs at each other, a few times, I have resorted to blaring some of my worship music! It's quite the scene, really. They may be in tears, arguing with one another, and here is mommy...up front, drowning out the screeching sounds of her children with "Oh how He loves us!" :) I had adopted the attitude, "if you can't beat em...join em!" But that is all about to change...hopefully. :)

Raising Boys

They are everywhere you look...little boys. And what a mystery they are to us, their mothers. They start out so sweet and cuddly, and as they take in the world around them, they grow into these little wild things. If only we could bottle their energy! Some of the words that I would use to describe Isaac, my little guy who is now 3.5-years-old, are: energetic, busy, loud, impulsive, argumentative, hilarious, mischievous, crude, empathetic, strong, rough, smart, out-going, fearless, aggressive, sensitive, feisty, and as many have said to me..."He is ALL boy!"

That's my son. He likes to make little girls scream, is a lover of bugs, enjoys sword fighting, daydreams about taking down dragons, turns simple toys into guns and other weapons, enjoys running and playing outside, picks his nose, doesn't mind being dirty or sweaty or both, enjoys peeing in the grass, and has been known to find humor in farting on people. Yes...that's my son. And I love him more than words can say.

And yet this male species can be so confusing to me! I have pleaded with him to sit quietly, to be careful, to stop running, to just be still. But as time goes on, I am beginning to realize that I am basically asking him to be other than how he was designed. I am asking him to behave like a sweet, quiet, little girl. I ask him to play with kindness and to try being "the good guy" every now and then (as he is obsessed with wanting to be the "bad guy"). And I am dumbfounded. Where DID he learn these behaviors? He has been quite sheltered from TV, movies, and all media. And I certainly have never taught him how to play like this.

Which leads me to believe that maybe this warrior nature...this fearless fighter within our sons is a natural-born, God-given trait? I see boys everywhere play fighting, wrestling, pretending to be heros, or picking up sticks and using them as pretend weapons. They are full of energy and constantly looking for ways to get it out.

So as their mothers, how can we foster this foreign and slightly disturbing nature that come as part of the package of having a son? I want to be intentional about not stifling it...or telling him that how he IS is wrong. I don't want to feminize him or control him. But rather, I want him to be adventurous and wild and have the freedom to grow and develop into a responsible young man one day. So how do we harness this energy and aggression for good?

I have some friends who have enrolled their children in Tae-Kwon-Do. This seems like a most wonderful option, as it is not only an outlet for their energy, but they are also learning important character development skills at the same time. It is, however, quite expensive. And unfortunately, not an option for us at the time. We do belong to a local YMCA, which offers co-ed tumbling classes. We have enrolled Isaac for classes this coming summer session, and are excited to see how it works!

I know that just being outdoors...whether running around, riding bikes, or searching for bugs...is a great way for Isaac to get out lots of his energy. He just needs to be moving...all..of..the..time. I've also wondered if there are any foods that we feed him that bring out some of the more crazy amounts of energy that he has, and I'm still researching that one.

Obviously, I have made huge generalizations about boys here. I do recognize that everyone is different, and every child unique. Not all boys are super active, wild monkeys. I have met a few throughout my years in education and child care who are quite the opposite...quiet, timid, preferring to be indoors, reading books rather than fighting. And that's totally okay! This post is more directed at those mommies out there who are dealing with crazy, wild, high-energy boys! I need some IDEAS! What DO I do with him? And I need some answers quick, before I pull my hair out! Haha!

Anyone?

**I am adding that a friend just suggested that I read a book, which is totally on my must-read list. It's "Bringing up Boys" by Dr. James Dobson. Here's a quote from the very first chapter that really resonates with my post: 

"...one of the scariest aspects of raising boys is their tendency to risk life and limb for no good reason. It begins very early. If a toddler can climb on it, he will jump off it. He careens out of control toward tables, tubs, pools, steps, tress, and streets. He will eat anything but food and loves to play in the toilet. He makes "guns" out of cucumbers or toothbrushes and likes digging around in drawers, pill bottles, and Mom's purse. And just hope he doesn't get his grubby little hands on a tube of lipstick! A boy harasses grumpy dogs and picks up kitties by their ears. His mom has to watch him every minute to keep him from killing himself. He loves to throw rocks, play with fire, and shatter glass. He also gets great pleasure out of irritating his brothers and sisters, his mother, his teachers, and other children..."

It goes on to describe boys as they get older and even more dangerous! :) I think this is going to be a GREAT read! :)

Sunday Secrets

The secret: Unrealistic expectations can lead to exasperation.

Something that I've come to realize lately is that as a mother, I have extremely high standards for my children. I may be what some may consider a "strict" parent. Though I sometimes I can have a more laissez-faire approach to things. In addition to high standards, I have also had extremely high expectations of them. High standards are not a problem, but unrealistic expectations are.

I have expected my toddlers to listen to what I say and joyfully obey when I ask them to do something. I have expected them to respect me and treat me with the same loving kindness that I try to model for them (though I don't even do that perfectly). I have expected them not to yell and scream during car rides and to be polite to each other at all times. I expect them to use their words, rather than whining to get what they want. So basically, I have been expecting my two and three year olds to behave and act like little adults.

So guess what happens when they don't meet a single one of these unrealistic expectations that I've laid before them? Unmet expectation usually leads to frustration and discouragement (in both parties). They feel the weight of never being able to live up to what I've expected from them, and I feel frustrated that they just aren't doing what I want. And I'm sure there is a part of them that internalizes all of this...thinking, "If I can't even please my mommy...I must be bad...and therefore I should just not even try anymore."

Ultimately, I want to teach my children to live their lives not to please ME...but rather...to please God. Though it is very clear in Scripture that God does want for children to obey their parents...so it is important for them to learn to do that as well! However, we are also warned to not exasperate our children. In other words, don't provoke them to anger. Having unrealistic expectations and allowing frustration to overcome us is a sure way to do just that!

I have to continually remind myself that they are TWO and THREE. Mere toddlers. They are impulsive, explosive, loud, obnoxious, wild, and I may like to argue quite incapable of doing half of what we expect of them. However...they are still learning. And as they continue growing and learning and being trained in righteousness (in a loving, accepting environment), then perhaps it will begin to click.

And most of what I'm even talking about has to do with outward behavior. As if it is my right or my job to control that for them! I could have completely outwardly compliant children whose hearts are so full of anger, hatred, and contempt...and their behavior would not even matter. God doesn't see what man sees...He cares more about what's on the inside (what's in their hearts). And here's the most awesome part...it's not even MY job to change their little hearts. Nope...that is something GOD is completely responsible for.

We do have very clear and specific roles as their parents. We are to train and teach them according to the Word. We are to instill within them morals...helping to teach them right from wrong. We can help to develop their character with lessons in honesty, kindness, love, compassion, giving, serving, etc. And what is the best way to do that? In my experience, those things are best taught by being modeled. If I just live my life in such a way that I would want my children to follow my example...then, in time, I'd hope that they will. But even then, they are also human and have choices.

So I am just in the process of figuring out what, exactly, I should be expecting of them at their ages. What should they be capable of? What does God want and expect from them at this age? Maybe some of my expectations are too high? Or are they okay? It is so ingrained within me to have high expectations...I do for myself and for everyone else in my life. I often have people comment on how well both of my children speak for their ages. I always just shrug and think to myself..."It's because I expect them to speak clearly and efficiently." If I had expected less of them, then perhaps they wouldn't be as verbal. I have always felt that children will live up to our expectations...if they are capable.

However, as I continue trudging through this journey, I am beginning to see that that isn't always true. Sometimes, if our expectations are just simply too high (completely unrealistic), then it will lead to feelings of failure and defeat. There is a fine line here...and I am still in the process of figuring out where to draw it. You can bet that I will be on my knees before the Lord, seeking Him for wisdom on this one. I'll let you know if I get any answers. :) Do YOU have any thoughts on this?

Just Another Mommy

My heart is aching right now. For a few reasons. The first being that after reading several other articles on parenting toddlers, I am just humbled and saddened by how far I am missing the mark. I confess that I am NOT honoring God with my parenting right now. I will continue seeking wisdom and growing in Him, but gosh how my heart is hurting because of my ignorance. I am daily frustrated with my son's bad attitude. I keep talking to him about being filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness...you get the idea. I pray for him and with him. And yet, I am met with resistance, rudeness, anger, and hatred. And I have allowed his overwhelming negativity to eat away at me piece by piece. In my weariness, I have been an utterly poor example of love, kindness, joy...or anything like it. I have days where things go well and I don't react at all to him, but rather, consistently respond in love. But most days by mid-day, I am overwhelmed and succumb to my ugly human nature. :( And my sweet children get the brunt of it. And I wonder why he's so angry toward me? The mirror could not be more obviously pointed at myself! UGH!

I would like to blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Or being exhausted. Or having challenging kids. But when I take a good, hard look at it, I am broken by the fact that I am just really struggling right now. And it's all me. But I am NOT going to let this keep me down. I am going to be on my face before my God and accept the loving kindness and forgiveness that He has to offer. I am going to allow Him to heal me and teach me to be the mommy that my kiddos deserve. I am going to grow. And I have got to accept that I am not, nor will I EVER be perfect. I will continue making mistakes, but will keep getting right back up and learning from them!

Another reason why my heart is aching is because I have learned that the tone of some of my blog posts has come across differently than how it was intended. If I have come across in any way, shape, or form as sounding like I have it all together or that I'm doing everything right or that I have all the answers...then I am deeply sorry. If you know me at all, you will know that I am just another mom. No different than you, really. I have NO CLUE what I'm doing with this whole parenting thing. It is a complete and utter mystery to me. I have moments where I feel like things are going well and all is right in my little world, only to have everything come tumbling down with a day from hell. I make stupid choices with my kids and wallow in the consequences. There are days in which I feel like completely giving up...only to have the day end with a cuddly little guy who whispers "I love you, Mommy" and melts my heart.

I do not share things on this blog as an authority on any subject matter. I am IN THE TRENCHES...trying to figure it all out...just like you. I make mistakes. Lots of them. And I am trying to grow and learn through these mistakes. I love learning from others and finding new was to do things. I am intrigued by different methods and ideas regarding parenting. There are certain things that I believe to be true...but in an instant, God can come in and completely change my thinking about something. I am open to change and love the freedom to explore. More than anything, I want this to be a blog where others are blessed and encouraged by what I write. My heart is one that writes these posts sometimes tentatively, and always with humility. It would never be my intention to shame someone or embarrass them.

And as I write this, my eyes are filled with tears...crying uncontrollably, really. Because some things that I've written have been a source of pain for some...especially some who are closest to me. And words cannot begin to describe how much this breaks my heart. The whole point of this blog is to be uplifting and encouraging. I wanted to share my struggles and successes. And I wanted others to share what was working for them. I don't believe that there is just one right way to do things when it comes to parenting. What works for one may never work for another and vice versa. We are all unique and different and our children are just as diverse. It would be ridiculous to assume that there is only one way that works for every parent and their children.

I do get excited when I learn something new. And especially if it seems to be working well for us. And I'm afraid that in my excitement in what the Lord has taught me, I have come across as being an authority on the matter or being a perfect parent. GOD knows that I am FAR from it! In fact most of the time, when I am writing a post I am writing it TO MYSELF...it's what the Lord is currently dealing with within me. Whether it's about discipline, whining, obedience, etc...I am SO dealing with each of these things on a pretty regular basis. And most days, I feel pretty crummy about how I'm doing. And every now and then, God will show me something and so I share it. Not coming from a place of having done it perfectly, but rather, from a place of learning and growing myself.

Please forgive me if you have felt condemned or shamed by anything that I've written. And PLEASE know that it is no where CLOSE to where my heart is. I realize that some of the topics are difficult...even for myself...and they may bring some level of conviction and challenge you to think through things a little differently. Remember...I'm going through the same feelings myself! I'm on this journey too! And when the Lord reveals something to me and I share it, oftentimes I am having JUST as difficult of a time taking it in. I'm still processing through it all too...and I just so happen to process through writing. And therein lies the problem - while I am perfectly aware of the heart and tone behind the words I write, you (the reader) are left to assume those things. And if you have chosen to assume that I am a prideful, judgmental, know-it-all, then you could not be further from the truth.

I will be THE FIRST to admit that I am FAR from perfect. I am continually humbled by my experiences and my shortcomings. However, I AM confident in WHO I am...a beloved daughter of the King. I know that in Christ there is no condemnation, and therefore, when shame tries to knock at the walls of my heart I can readily cling to the Truth, which has set me free. I know that the innermost desire of my heart is to please God, and when I am not, my heart is filled with pain. I know that I NEED Him and He is quick to heal my pain and lift me up out of the darkness. I am also someone who may have some strong opinions...and like most people in this world, have a tendency to always think that I am right. Ha! However, I can and do quickly admit when I am wrong. I am working to be someone who cares only about what God thinks of me, but if I'm being completely honest, I still struggle from time to time with caring too much what others think of me. And when I find out that people have been assuming completely wrong things, it wreaks havoc within my heart. I wish I could take a photo that could depict who I am...what my heart is like. But since that's just not possible, I'll have to continue using words. :)

My heart is filled with nothing but love for YOU who are reading this. Yes...I may not even know you...but I love you just the same! We are on this journey together. And I like to write about my experiences. Please know my heart and try to be open minded...and I will do the same! :) And if something I write happens to rub you the wrong way...please email me or comment and let me know! And I would encourage you to ask yourself (and God) why. And again...I will do the same. :)

Snack Time

So I thought I'd do a post highlighting some of our favorite snacks around here. I'd also love for others to leave comments to help me expand my arsenal of possibilities. Sometimes I can get in a rut of serving the same old things for days in a row. It's fun to switch it up from time to time. So below are some of our typical go-to snacks. I usually like to offer two things - one protein/fiber option and one carb. For example, I will do goldfish crackers AND grapes or cheese AND crackers. Hope that makes sense! :)

goldfish crackers
peanuts (a staple in our home)
raisins
cheerios (especially when younger)
veggies & dip
graham crackers (with peanut butter)
granola bars
homemade trail-mix
fresh fruit (apples, bananas, grapes, peaches, oranges, melon, etc)
string cheese
vanilla wafers
yogurt (sometimes frozen, as a special treat)
popcorn (for movies)
pretzels
smoothies (just yogurt + orange juice)
pb&j crackers
nutri-grain bars
popsicles (VERY rarely, and used as rewards)
wheat thins with hummus

I think that's about it. Like I mentioned, I would love to get some other ideas...preferably healthy snacks with low sugar, low sodium, and good amounts of protein or fiber. What are YOUR go-to snacks? Please share!! :)

Ten reasons why I LOVE bean boxes

First of all what, exactly, is a bean box anyway? Well, simply put, it's a box full of beans! :) And it just happens to be one of my children's favorite activities. I only pull them out once a week and sometimes less often than that. As with any toy or activity, the novelty can wear off after frequent use. :) Here are ten reasons why I (and they) love them so much...

1. It's affordable. All you need is a container at least the size of a shoe box, a bag full of beans (any assortment), and small, random, colorful items that you find around the house.

2. It encourages independent play. Can I get an AMEN?!? :) While this activity does require a little supervision, there is no real instruction involved, and most children are quite content to just dig their fingers in and play independently. Note: Due to the obvious choking hazard, this is best when the child is past the oral phase of development and there is not a risk of them putting them in their mouths.

3. It's a great sensory activity. We're always trying to stimulate our children's senses, and this is a fun way to stimulate their sense of touch. Just for fun, you can substitute coffee beans to this activity, adding a fun component of smell to it! :)

4. Encourages and teaches sorting skills. "Can you find all of the yellow objects?" or "Can you sort all of the different shapes?"

5. Can encourage counting activities. "How many buttons can you find in your box? Can you count them?"

6. Work on identifying similarities and differences. Most of the beans look nearly identical. However, there are a handful that are just...different. Maybe they are misshaped or discolored, but either way, both of my children have enjoyed "finding the different ones" and separating them from the rest.

7. Encourages fine motor skills. As they work on picking up single beans and transferring them somewhere else, they get good practice using their pincher grip. You can add some plastic child-friendly tweezers to add to this skill development.

8. Provides opportunities to talk about the concepts of empty and full. "That container is empty, can you fill it up?" or "That one is full...how can we make it empty?"

9. Fun with sound. Add a plastic Easter egg or two and let the child feel them with beans to make little instruments. This is one of my kiddos FAVORITES. :)

10. Pretend play. It's amazing what kids will come up with. They can make cakes, pies, soups, etc. as they practice stirring, pouring, and serving their delicious treats! :)

Discipline part 2

This post is in response to a thoughtful comment on my previous post on discipline. Please view the comments on that post to better understand this post. :)

Hi there, Maria. I appreciate you taking the time to engage in discussion on here. :) It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into these issues as well. I would like to first address one thing you wrote: "A child does not always have to obey me. They have to learn to respect, to honor and love. But obeying usually does not encourage a person to question the others actions. Which would not be what I would like my children to do. They should question what version of life I present and the example I set for them. Otherwise they are not able to find their path in life." 

In regard to this parenting philosophy, we differ. And this would likely be the basis for any other arguments for or against using spanking as a method of discipline. We are actually training our children to develop unwavering obedience to us, their parents. Where did we come up with this idea? As followers of Christ, we have chosen to live our lives according to the Word of God (the Bible) and take what is written within to heart. You will see this in all areas of our lives...including the ways in which we have decided to raise our children. There is actually quite a bit of wisdom throughout Scripture that applies to parenting, and one example is a commandment given directly to children. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' - which is the first commandment with a promise - 'that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." The Greek word for "obey" is "hupakouo" and it means to listen, to harken, to submit to, or to harken to a command. God is telling children to obey their parents. And as their parents, we are encouraged throughout Scripture to teach and train them to do so.

That said, I also encourage my children to be free-thinkers and feelers. They have permission to question us, but not before immediate obedience. This is of upmost importance...especially with young children. If I do not teach my children to obey my instruction without delay, their lives would be in danger CONSTANTLY. A very literal example of this would be if my son is running toward a busy street, and I yell, "Stop! Come back to mommy!" but he has not been trained to listen and obey, then he may run right into the street and get hit by a car. I cannot tell you how many times their quick obedience has already saved their precious little lives. How did I teach them this? Through loving use of "the rod." :) Could other methods have been effective? Perhaps. Though I will say that I have a few friends who have adopted no-spanking policies with their own children, and are struggling to keep them in line. When you have a 2-year-old who doesn't understand what it means to obey, you are in a world of trouble (and stress). I've had two 2-year-olds so far, and BOTH of them have understood that when mommy says "no" or "come here" that she means right away, without delay. It has been a blessing for all of us! My son, who is 3 and a half, questions us CONSTANTLY. And he does this because we encourage him to think through why we are asking him to obey in certain situations. Through all of his questioning, he is learning that mommy and daddy love and care for him more than anyone else in this world and that we know what is best for him and are committed to teaching him those things.

You also asked: "Do you want your children to be afraid of you or do you want them to follow your example? If you want the latter how should they learn to solve their conflicts if your conflicts with them are solved by spanking?" Our conflicts are not solved by spanking. Their disobedience is disciplined/corrected by spanking. There is a difference here. They do need to learn that disobedience (to us and ultimately to the Lord) does have consequences. When we have a conflict, we always talk things through. We are always encouraging them to "use their words." They know perfectly well that spanking is not used as a reaction to hurting our feelings or disappointing us or any other type of conflict. But rather, it is used as a means to administer a real consequence for disobedience. We are teaching them that their actions have consequences.

"The last thing I would like to ask is weather you would like other people than yourself to spank your child? Most likely the answer will be no." You are correct. :) The job of raising and training up children is supposed to be that of the parents. Sadly, so many parents in this day and age have given up or allowed day cares, schools, churches, etc. to raise their children for them. While it is tempting for me to escape the enormous responsibility (and calling) that has been placed before me, I know that God will give me the strength I need to do what He has asked me to do! :)

So basically, we simply have a different worldview. Everything we do (or at least try to do) is based off of Scripture. If someone does not live by these same standards, then it is reasonable to expect differences in opinions and methods of parenting. :) I hope all of this makes sense!! :) I would love to know where you have developed your philosophy on parenting as well! I just have not found a better teacher and guide than God Himself. :) But I am also a student and always learning new things! Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post! :) I LOVE it, as it encourages me to think more deeply about why I'm doing what I'm doing!! :)